This author’s description of a veteran will most likely describe most if not all veterans who read this. For non-vets, here’s a way to find out what makes us tick!
This article was written by Ray Starmann and originally posted on his website just before Veteran’s Day, 2015:
It is important for those who have never served to take a moment to understand the solitary world of a vet.
Millions of vets are and have been successful in all endeavors. They are doctors, lawyers, business people and a thousand other professions. Not all have PTSD; not all are the troubled, brooding, street corner homeless guy, although they exist and need help desperately.
No matter how successful a vet might be materially, more often than not, vets are often alone, mentally and spiritually each day and for the rest of their lives.
Vets’ stories are all different, but some elements of the common experience exist.
Many vets experienced and saw and heard and did things unimaginable to the average person. They also lived a daily camaraderie that cannot be repeated in the civilian world. In fact, many vets spend the rest of their lives seeking the same esprit de corps that simply is absent from their civilian lives and jobs. They long to spend just 15 minutes back with the best friends they ever had, friends that are scattered to every corner of the earth, and some to the afterlife itself.
Painting courtesy of Tom Lea
Vets are haunted by visions of horror and death, by guilt of somehow surviving and living the good life, when some they knew are gone. They strangely wish sometimes that they were back in those dreadful circumstances, not to experience the dirt and horror and terror and noise and violence again, but to be with the only people a vet really knows, other vets.
Civilians must understand that for a vet nothing is ever the same again. Their senses can be suddenly illuminated by the slightest sound or smell or sight: sights of death all around, a living version of Dante’s Inferno; sounds so loud that they can only be described as Saving Private Ryan in surround sound on steroids; smells vast and horrific; rotting death, burning fuel and equipment, rubber, animals and…people. The smoldering ruins of life all around them.
All vets have these thoughts nearly every day. Some may experience them for fractions of second, or for minutes at a time. They replay over and over again like an endless 24 hour war movie.
A visitor at the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington passes early in the morning on Veterans Day, Monday, Nov. 11, 2013, to look at the names inscribed on the wall.
Part of the solitary world of the vet is being able to enjoy complete bliss doing absolutely nothing. This is a trait grating to civilians who must constantly search for endless stimuli. Unbeknownst to them, the greatest thrill of all is just being alive. A lot of vets have an Obi-wan Kenobi calmness. After what they went through, how bad can anything really be?
As King said to Chris in Platoon, “Make it outta here, it’s all gravy, every day of the rest of your life – gravy…”
So many, if not all vets walk around each day lost in their own special story. They were once great actors on a giant stage with speaking parts and props. Maybe they were heroes and now they aren’t anymore. Maybe they helped save the world and now they can’t. Maybe they gave orders and now they take them. Maybe they thought that they could accomplish anything and now they know they can’t. Perhaps their lives now are smaller and slower and sometimes in the vet’s mind, just incidental, even though they’re not.
Most civilians are oblivious to the solitary life of the vet. But, it’s there. It’s the same eternal and universal philosophy, whether you fought in World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf War, Iraq or Afghanistan. The experiences may have been different, but the emotions are the same.
A problem with the solitary world of the vet is that the vet has a hard time explaining what he or she did to those who didn’t serve. Some vets want to talk, but they have no outlet. Maybe their only outlet is watching a war movie or reading a book about the conflict they were in.
How often do people say, “Grandpa never talks about Korea.” That’s because Grandpa knows no one can understand except other vets. That’s because Grandpa knows most people don’t care.
Part of this taciturn mentality is that vets speak another language, a strange and archaic language of their past. How do you talk to civilians about “fire for effect” or “grid 7310” or “shake and bake” or “frag orders” or “10 days and a wake up” or a thousand and one other terms that are mystifying to the real world?
You can’t.
All of this adds to the solitary world of the vet. Some are better at handling life afterwards than others. Some don’t seem affected at all, but they are. They just hide it. Some never return to normal. But, what is normal to a vet anymore?
So, if you see a vet sitting by themselves at a restaurant or on a train or shopping at the grocery store alone, take a moment to speak with them. Take them out of their solitary world for a moment. You’ll be happy you did.
This article (minus the photos) originally appeared on http://usdefensewatch.com/2015/11/the-solitary-world-of-a-vet/
[Ray Starmann is the founder of U.S. Defense Watch. He is a former U.S. Army Intelligence officer and veteran of the Gulf War.]
Thank you brother for a great article…many readers will say that you wrote these words about them. God Bless!
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Written by someone who knows. Very spot on.
Tears forming
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Fifty years later.. still there.? Great life but defined by Vietnam.
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I have no way to describe my feelings or the way I feel now. I was the one in a crowd. Mospeople around me were non vets and didn’t understand. Luckily I found another vet like me. I think we both helped each other.
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Good on you, Mate. Now pay it forward. As you and many have had their eye’s opened by this website and Johns books.We are our Brother’s keepers. Semper Fi
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Thanks for the compliments, bro!
On Dec 1, 2017 6:06 AM, “Cherries – A Vietnam War Novel” wrote:
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Excellent job. I will share this with family and friends to help them better understand me. It’s comforting to realize that I am not alone. Thank you….
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For some it’s rather good. Those who’ve never been in a combat zone. Just never will understand.
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Truly inspired by this article was very heartfelt while reading it , to think about what all those men and women go through after they come back,. And they’re great sacrifice for our freedom , looking forward to more updates enjoyed reading it.
Thank you !
May God Bless the veterans ,!!
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Although I only spent 4 years as a Seabee during the early 70’s and did not see combat some men were the closest thing I had like brothers. Fellow Seabees like Dominic Piccola, Dennis Enloe and Jay Garvin made my service time more enjoyable. Since 1974 I have stayed in touch with these fine men.
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When I shared that I had served in Vietnam I was asked when was I there…I answered, ” I was there last night”. They didn’t understand.
Great article.
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Enlightening, factual information and well written. Thank you, from a widow whose husband lost his life preparing to rescue American Vietnam prisoners of war. He was an original Jolly Green Giant AIR FORCE RESCUE AND RECOVERY, 1966
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For more years than I want to admit, I didn’t acknowledge that I was a Vet. I don’t think I was abnormal, in fact, I think I was the norm. Then when I retired and began writing, I put all of that hate and fear behind me. As so many periods of my life that was tragic, Vietnam was just another piece. I wrote a manuscript (memoir) divided it into three parts. I have published two and working on the third. I’m not a great writer, but I do have a story to tell that many can relate. I don’t discredit those Vets that need the organizations to feel comfortable. Other than church, I don’t belong to any social organization. I’ve taken that negative portion of my life and I hope I have buried it well. To my fellow Vets, Happy Thanksgiving, thank you for your service and welcome home.
BTW John, another great post and thanks for sharing a great piece.
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Chuck, your comments are always welcome here. I see that your blog site is off and running…good luck!
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From another Vietnam combat vet…perfectly said. Thank you.
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Here’s one non-veteran whose Thanksgiving message to you is: Welcome home!
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The description of how a soldier is after participating in the horror of combat
makes sense to me. Even in peace time, camaraderie is visibly strong. After combat, the relationships must be
like no other. God bless our Veterans who participated in active combat. Good article.
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We are all getting old and older. Just turned 70 this month, but as one of your old D.I.’s or Drill SGT’s might say,”YOU GUY’S AIN’T DEAD YET, SO GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND OUT OF THE RECLINER, AND OUT OF THE HOUSE. LOTS OF M,S, ORG’S OUT THERE THAT WOULD WELCOME YOU WITH HIGH FIVES AND OPEN DOORS.
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What a motivator, Fiftycaliber! No truer words spoken!
ps – good to see ya back on the website…responding in kind to all who leave comments. Semper Fi!
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Excellent. Many times I have tried to explain the feeling of being alone. Very few if any, understand what I am saying.
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See fiftycaliber reply
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Truth Be known, I think most combat Marines, Army, and Corpman have PTSD. What they do about it is a matter of how bad it is…
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Very true and insightful. Actually teared me up which seems easier as I get older. Great article. Vietnam Vet, 73 years old.
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All things easier to bare as we age.Thank GOD.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
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The vets with a family, (wife, kids, grandkids) don’t know the loneliness that single guys like me live with every day. Sure, I miss the brothers I served with, but I also miss the relationships that I was never able to have with “normal” people of the nation.
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I know how you feel Russell, I felt the same way, Till I found several Service Orgs. Walk in and introduce yourself, You will be and are Welcomed.There are a few of us Normal People amongst us.
ie: VFW, Am. Legion, DAV, Marine Corps League, just a few to consider.Best of Luck
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..kinda says it all
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It was to bad the way the General was treated in Australia & the U.S. He should have moved to a (True) Southern State where I think he would have had a better greeting.
Don’t get crazy about the true southern state comment. I am a native son of Va. & live there now. But Va. is 2 states now. Northern Va. is full of Liberals and that keep electing Democrat Governors, I have become saddened by what Va. has turned into. Now the City of Richmond is trying to destroy the Monuments all along Monument Ave. that have been there for 150 years. Because there are of Confederate General’s and one Commodore. The city councils are changing the names of streets, school’s and the like when there is a law in Va. not permitting it, and by the largest of majority votes and polls want the Monuments to stay where they are. So DIXIE FOREVER & SEMPER FIDELIS
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Hooray for Dixie!!! Semper Fi Marine!!
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Something we all know-he has expressed it well and on point.
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Loved ready it all so true I have a hard time talking about my experience in Vietnam I do have some out let when my brother visits or I visit him I know sometimes we talk till darling mornings about our time in the military he was 0311 and I was 11b he was there a couple years before me so I guess it makes sense we talk and can relate to our experiences.
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Enlightening. I come from a long line of those who served. I’m named for an uncle who died in may of 45, Luzon island. My brother served in Vietnam. He’s gone to that final reunion. He had cancer, agent Orange. Thanks for sharing I wish everyone would read this.
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Prayers out to Your Brother, I too affected by Agent Orange/Heart failure. Cheers to your uncle I was on Luzon back in August,2017 nice place now. Fair Winds and Following Seas to them both. Semper Fidelis
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Of 5 brothers that served only my older brother was a Nam vet as my self and he died at 53 from that fucking shit agent orange . I miss him so much
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Sorry for your Loss , Fair Winds and Following Seas on your Brothers journey. I too 100% disabled from Agent Orange, heart disease. Hope your family has a blessed Thanksgiving Day.
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As it says, most will think the article speaks about them personally~ How true John… Being a Vietnam serving Navy Tin-Can Destroyer sailor caught in the sea of Japan during a vicious typhoon (5 days & nights) one KNOWS that if it weren’t FOR our brothers, our shipmates, …NO ONE would have emerged… We dream it, relive it during waking moments in the middle of the day… Thanx for this ! …Bill Springer, from Sterling Hts. to Prescott, AZ., vet in-service-to veterans~
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Very true I am Vietnam vet saw a lot of bad things and I live with this every day and I am ok with this
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Probably the best explanation of who we are as combat vets that I have ever read. I will utilize many of these same thoughts and emotions as I write my VietNam Nam story for my family and grandkids. Thank you for sharing so many insights into what it is to be a combat vet. 🇺🇸🙏✌️🙏🇺🇸
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Good idea, had not thought of writing my story of time in Nam till you just mentioned Kids and Grand Kids. They never ask or show interest.
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For some there is, good reading.
On Tue, Nov 21, 2017 at 1:20 PM, Cherries – A Vietnam War Novel wrote:
> pdoggbiker posted: “This article was written by Ray Starmann and > originally posted on his website just before Veteran’s Day, 2015: It is > important for those who have never served to take a moment to understand > the solitary world of a vet. Millions of vets are and have ” >
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That’s the whole point Non-Vets can’t
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I can sit on my patio with a glass of wine and a fine cigar for hours and be content, as you said “just to be alive” So many times I tried to tell a non vet about Vietnam and they nod politely most times but you can see it in their eyes they don’t have a clue what the hell I’m talking about so as the years have passed I have gave up on talking to any non vet about Vietnam.
Thanks for telling it like it is!
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DITTO
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So true….and life goes on.
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Thanks for this article. It’s me every day.
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Are you the same Ken Burns that post on Vet Wives Page?
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This article is right on. I can identify with it.
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This is an excellent article that I can identify with as being a Vietnam Veteran. Thanks for the article. Curtis Gilliland
Sent from my iPad
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Keep doing what you’re doing Brother, it helps a lot of us!
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47 years , thoughts everyday of then . It was a Reunion of those with which I fought to begin understanding .
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The marvel is the passing moment. Francois Mitterand
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no truer words have been written
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Very good and so true@
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